Baharul Elem
23rd May 1938 – 14th June 2019
Entrance song Smile - Nat King Cole
Welcome and opening words
Please be seated
Gregarious; sociable; and fun loving. He helped people and hated injustice. He valued education and was always learning something new. He loved travelling, golf, gardening and sunflowers.
These are a few words used to describe Baharul Elem, or Baha as he was always known. The person whose life you have come to celebrate today.
Good morning and welcome. My name is Kate and I am a civil celebrant, and it is my privilege to be conducting this ceremony today. This funeral will be unique as Baha was unique. You will hear a poem from Rebecca, there will be a tribute in celebration of Baha’s full and interesting life from Tum. You will have a chance to listen to some music and have some time for quiet reflection before the final farewell. Afterwards you are invited back to the house for refreshments and to share stories in a more relaxed setting. If you wish to make a donation in Baha’s memory, there are details of how to do this on the order of service.
There are many differences between a funeral for a very young man and one for a man of Baha’s age. One, of course, is that he had outlived many of his relatives and loved ones. Another is that it is difficult to build up a detailed picture of his early life. But most important is that a man who lived to the age of eighty-one had reached his natural term.
As Bertrand Russell wrote:
An individual human existence should be like a river – small at first, narrowly contained within its banks, and rushing passionately past boulders and over waterfalls.
Gradually, the river grows wider, the banks recede, the waters flow more quietly, and – in the end – without any visible break, they become merged in the sea, and painlessly lose their individual being.
The man or woman, who, in old age, can see his or her life in this way, will not suffer from the fear of death, since the things they care for will continue.
Rebecca will now read the poem, Farewell My Friends by Rabindranath Tagore
Farewell My Friends
It was beautiful as long as it lasted.
The journey of my life.
I have no regrets whatsoever, save the pain
I'll leave behind.
Those dear hearts who love and care...
And the strings pulling at the heart and soul...
The strong arms that held me up
When my own strength let me down.
At every turning of my life
I came across good friends,
Friends who stood by me,
Even when the time raced me by.
Farewell, farewell my friends
I smile and bid you goodbye.
No, shed no tears for I need them not
All I need is your smile.
If you feel sad do think of me
For that's what I'll like
When you live in the hearts
of those you love, remember then
you never die.
Thank you Rebecca. Will Tum now please come forward.
Tribute to Baharul Elem
Baha was born in 1938, in eastern India, to his mother Rebecca, and father Reyas. The family then moved to Rangpur, in what is now Bangladesh, where he grew up with his siblings, sisters Shova and Ranu, and brothers Raju and Raja. Of course, in those days, children didn’t have all the toys and gadgets kids have today, but Baha often reminisced about the idyllic childhood he had; sports was important, but he really relished roaming outside as much as possible. In fact, he loved to tell the story of how he got so badly stung by bees on one of his roams, after throwing a stone at the hive. I wonder whether that was an early sign of his scientific curiosity – I can just picture the little boy thinking - “Hmmm, what will happen if I do this… OUCH!!!” Cause and effect – the scientific process at work. Perhaps this incident was an indication of the love for learning that would characterise his later life. But whatever the motivation, whether it was the serious illness he suffered as a child, his curiosity, or his desire to make an impact, he decided to become a doctor and he went on to medical college in Dhaka, to complete a degree in medicine.
His desire to learn took him to America to take up a Training Post in General Surgery. This time had a big impact on him. This was after all the 1960’s, and America was ablaze with the Civil Rights Movement. As an Asian, Baha was a curiosity, and the white Americans didn’t quite know where to place him. He was challenged at the whites only tennis club, but as he was not African-American, Native American or Hispanic, and he was a Doctor to boot, they didn’t know where to place him, so he stayed, playing tennis in their whites only club. And tennis was not the only sport he played – Baha encountered snow for the first time in America, and went downhill skiing a few times. I can just picture it, an Asian on the slopes in civil rights America. He admitted that he wasn’t very good, but he gave it a go, and that was Baha wasn’t it? Always up to try something for the first time, to learn something new. Even in later years, this desire was there. Rebecca, Mark, remember when we went to Goa with your dad in 2004 – where he learnt to bodysurf. He wasn’t bad either!
So anyway, after 4 years in the US, Baha decided to leave. He says this decision was driven by two things – 1) he really didn’t like the privatised healthcare system , and 2) he found it increasingly difficult to deal with the racial tensions and dynamics. So, in the late 60’s he found himself in Northern Ireland, at the invitation of a friend. He initially struggled to get into the medical system, facing some discrimination, but of course, Baha didn’t let that stop him and he managed to get a position as a Demonstrator of Anatomy at Queens University. Though the doctor in charge said he couldn’t pay Baha a salary, only a few weeks later, that same Doctor, obviously impressed with Baha’s medical ability, offered him a paid position.
Baha moved on after a short while, but stayed in the UK for the next 8 years, working in the NHS in different hospitals, before ending up as registrar of urology, the speciality he would hold for the rest of his working career.
But his UK time is really important for another reason. Because it was while Baha was working at the Royal Gwent Hospital in Wales, that he met Jane, who was working at the same hospital as a nurse. The couple married in 1969, and the newly-weds started a family, first with daughter Rebecca, and then son Mark. The children were still quite young when the family relocated to Zambia in 1974.
Zambia was to become a key part of the family’s life, and of course, Baha’s career. He worked in Zambia for 20 years, rising to become a Professor of Urology and he developed a profound affection for Zambia and its people that never left him. While in Zambia, he enjoyed gardening, wildlife and birdwatching – activities that he continued for the rest of his life. Zambia is where he also started learning a new sport, golf, that he grew to love. A member of the Lusaka Golf Club, achieving a handicap of 14 and winning the Lusaka Masonic Cup in 1984 ,were major sporting highlights for him!
Professionally, Baha often said that Zambia made him. His ferocious love of learning continued, and he became a prolific researcher and author, becoming a recognised expert in the parasitical disease Bilharzia. He wrote and co-published over 37 peer-reviewed articles. He contributed to medical textbooks and was invited to speak at symposia around the world. However, I think his real pride during his time in Zambia was the positive impact he had on hundreds of doctors, as a teacher and a mentor.
In 1994 Jane and Baha returned to the UK , where he worked mostly in London, including at Guy’s and St Thomas’s. As well as being a surgeon in urology, he also lectured junior doctors. Something he loved. Sadly, his wife Jane died in 2000, and while Baha of course carried on, her absence left a hole in his life that he always felt very keenly.
He retired in 2003 and returned to Bangladesh, where he taught as a volunteer at a local medical college, and where, together with his brother, he built a home for 12 elderly women and men, who would otherwise be homeless. However, he missed his family, and began to spend more time in the UK before settling, more or less permanently. He lived with Rebecca, myself, and his grandchildren, Elijah and Imara, almost as a third parent. Family was so important to him, and I think he really felt complete when his son Mark married Dorota, giving him two beautiful granddaughters, Amelia and Alysia.
He continued to travel both back to Bangladesh and to regularly visit one of his oldest friends, Prajesh Sinha, in Calcutta, and we all travelled widely together, Zambia, Morocco, Venice, Rome, Paris, Athens. Lots of fun memories …
Baha had an impact on so many people over the years. I think all of us here will remember him as the life and soul of the party. He loved to host and entertain, and who here hasn’t eaten one of his legendary curries? And of course, Baha loved to tell a jokes and stories. Yes, we heard them many times over the years, and they were often risqué, and definitely not PC, but he made us all laugh, didn’t he?
Rebecca remembers Baha as a fun dad, with lots of good stories, of course. As a child in Zambia, she recalls that her dad created tales about ‘Tommy the Tomato Man’, who lived in the garden, and he taught her all the nursery rhymes, which he often encountered for the first time too! As a parent, he was encouraging and supportive, and Rebecca says in her adult life, he also became a really good friend. He loved spending time on the golf course with Mark, and he always had time for his grandchildren, spending countless hours reading to them, playing with them and yes, also shouting at them to be quiet!
Living with him was always interesting – I remember our garden and dishwasher wars. I would stack the dishwasher, and he would come and change it around, as he had a better system. So of course, I would change it back… We shared a love of kitchen gadgets, much to Rebecca’s annoyance, and we even reached an agreement on gardening. He took over the front and driveway, and Rebecca and I would manage the back.
So, if we think of what defined Baha as man, family would be up there. Medicine of course. And definitely education. While in Bangladesh Baha taught two of the maid’s daughters to speak English very well, and he then supported them financially through college and university – one even gained a Masters degree; he was rightly very proud of her achievement. Even in later years, he continued to learn, becoming the oldest graduate from the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine at the age of 71!
To the end, Baha spent a great deal of time learning about the world by reading books - everything from bestsellers to biographies; everyday he watched the news, CNN, Al Jazeera the BBC, and he was always ready for a debate, especially about Trump, Brexit, and of course Africa. Although serious, with a stubborn-streak and somewhat driven, he was also immensely fun-loving and sociable; he loved the company of his family and friends, and always had a keen sense of justice and compassion. I know all of us here, and the many people he taught, helped and treated, will remember him with love, affection and gratitude. Baha had a really good life, and he helped many people through its course. It is a life that has a great deal to be celebrated. And he will be very deeply missed.
Thank you.
Reflection
Would you please stand
Before we say a final goodbye, there will be a few moments of silence. This is the time for each of you to think, and to reflect on Baha’s life, and to consider his influence and legacy.
Silence for about one minute
Committal
Be thankful for Baha’s life: For the love he shared: For his humour and uniqueness. Commit to your hearts the memory of his life and how he touched and influenced you.
In sadness at his death, but in gratitude for his life, we now commit the body of Baharul Elem to its natural end. It will be transformed into the ultimate elements of the universe, expedited by the age-old process of fire, a primal cosmic force.
With love, we bid him farewell. With respect, we leave him in peace.
Song - Time to Say Goodbye - Andrea Bocelli
Curtains closed
Sunflower turned around
Closing words
Please be seated
You have been remembering Baha Elem – a knowledgeable and interesting man who lived a good life. Whether you knew him as a father, a granddad, a friend, colleague, or neighbour, you know what a fine person he was.
Baha’s death marks a change, and life will never be quite the same. Death causes us to reflect on life. Not only the life that is gone, but also on our own lives, and the relationships we have with each other and with the wider world.
Baha’s heritage lives on through the genes he passed on, and in the memories and keepsakes you hold. You will go from here, with his influence, and his humour embedded in your hearts and minds, and the life that you have come here to honour and celebrate today will exercise a real and lasting influence on your lives. You were indeed very fortunate to have known Baha, remember him with joy.
The closing piece of music is My Way by Frank Sinatra.
Thank you for your attendance.
Final Song - I did it my way - Frank Sinatra